Bob woke up that Tuesday morning feeling optimistic—which, looking back, should have been his first warning sign. Living on Chain Bridge Road in McLean, VA, Bob usually spent his days commuting to his respectable job at the Department of Education in Washington, DC.
But today, he’d been rudely awakened by a tweet notification. Not from a family member, not from a coworker—but from Elon Musk himself.
“Bob from Education Dept? Fired. DOGE doesn’t need u.
Bob blinked in disbelief. He didn’t even work directly for Musk. He worked for the Department of Education—DOGE, as the crypto-crazy billionaire jokingly referred to it. Clearly, Elon’s memeing had crossed some line between fantasy and reality. Did Musk even have firing power at a federal agency? Apparently, he did today.
Bob’s wife, hearing him groan, leaned over. “Who’s texting you this early?”
“Elon Musk fired me,” Bob sighed dramatically.
“Hmm. Did you at least get severance pay in Dogecoin?” she asked, grinning.
Bob just shook his head. It was already going to be a long day.
Elon Musk Tweets, Bob’s Career Deletes
Bob dressed hastily—wearing mismatched socks, a shirt that might’ve been inside-out, and what could only be described as his “desperation tie”—the one reserved for truly catastrophic occasions. Being publicly fired by Elon Musk via tweet certainly qualified.
“Maybe I’ll still have an office?” Bob wondered optimistically. He decided denial would be his coping mechanism today. He hopped into his trusty Tesla Model Y, blissfully ignoring his wife’s now-familiar advice: “Did you call PRO Electric plus HVAC yet for the EV charger? Your battery was low last night.”
“Later!” he lied cheerfully, already backing out.
Beltway Traffic: Where Hope (and Batteries) Go to Die
As he merged onto I-495, Bob quickly discovered that Beltway traffic was thicker than a DC lobbyist’s Rolodex. His Tesla, sensing Bob’s fragile emotional state, helpfully started draining its battery at triple speed.
“Oh no,” Bob whispered, sweating slightly. He glanced at his dashboard and saw the dreaded battery warning blinking like it was auditioning for an action movie. Bob’s panic level rose in sync with the falling battery meter.
His eyes darted around for a public charging station—any station would do—but of course, today the Beltway was packed tighter than Elon Musk’s Twitter mentions after a questionable crypto tweet.
And just as traffic finally began to inch forward, his Tesla let out a soft, polite beep that translated roughly to: “Sorry, Bob. I’m out.”
Stranded by Tesla, Shamed by Wife
Sitting helplessly on the Beltway shoulder, Bob dialed his wife.
“I ran out of battery,” he admitted quietly, hoping she wouldn’t hear his shame through the phone.
“Oh,” she said gently, savoring the moment. “And I suppose this is the perfect time to remind you—”
“Yes, yes,” Bob cut her off, grumbling. “I should’ve called PRO Electric plus HVAC months ago.”
“I mean, they do advertise no-hassle installation,” she teased. “But you prefer the hassle, clearly.”
Bob sighed loudly. “Can we do the ‘I told you so’ after you call me a tow truck?”
“Already on it,” she chirped cheerfully.
Bob stared at the sky, mentally composing an angry tweet to Elon Musk before realizing his phone battery was also dangerously low. Apparently, everything in Bob’s life today ran on irony.
PRO Electric plus HVAC to the Rescue (And a Slice of Humble Pie)
Three hours, two tow trucks, and one humiliating phone call to the Department of Education later (“No, Bob, we can’t reinstate you just because Elon Musk’s tweets aren’t legally binding”), Bob finally arrived home. Standing in his driveway, glaring at his Tesla—now resembling a shiny lawn ornament—he called PRO Electric plus HVAC.
“Hi, uh, my wife said I should’ve called you months ago,” Bob mumbled. “I need a home EV charger installed…like, yesterday.”
The technician laughed good-naturedly. “You’d be surprised how often we hear that.”
Bob glanced inside, spotting his wife with her arms folded, smiling triumphantly through the window. “Actually,” Bob sighed, “I wouldn’t be surprised at all.”
That night, as Bob plugged his Tesla into his shiny new home charger, he couldn’t help but wonder if Musk would tweet him again tomorrow, maybe rehiring him—perhaps as a meme consultant.
But whatever happened, one thing was certain: from now on, Bob would always listen to his wife—and never, ever trust Elon Musk’s Twitter again.
